Unlearning Fear of Conflict

When was the last time you challenged or disagreed with someone openly?

How did that feel, and what did it take for you to do so?

If you consistently avoid conflict (or work with people who do), you likely have a hunch that you’re losing out on the authenticity, innovation and breakthroughs that emerge when conflict is embraced as a natural part of working across different people’s opinions, backgrounds and insights.

REPLAY Unlearning Fear of Conflict from LTHJ Global:

Research shows that leaders and teams who avoid open conflict meet worse outcomes for all.

Furthermore, researchers Tema Okun & Kenneth Jones identified that fear of (open) conflict is an attribute of White Supremacy Culture which continues to oppress people of all backgrounds.

(White Supremacy Culture is not to be confused with white supremacists, but rather the culture most of us are swimming in: learn more here.)

They write:

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Fear of (open) conflict shows up as:

• people in power are scared of expressed conflict and try to ignore it or run from it;
• when someone raises an issue that causes discomfort, the response is to blame the person for raising the issue rather than to look at the issue which is actually causing the problem;
• emphasis or insistence on being polite; setting the rules for how ideas or information or differences of opinion need to be shared in order to be heard (in other words, requiring that people “calm down” if they are angry when anger often contains deep wisdom about where the underlying hurt and harm lies);
• equating the raising of difficult issues with being impolite, rude, or out of line; punishing people either overtly or subtly for speaking out about their truth and/or experience;
• labeling emotion as “irrational” or anti-intellectual or inferior, which means failing to recognize the importance of emotional intelligence;
• pretending or insisting that our point of view is grounded in the “rational” or the intellectual when we are in fact masking our emotions with what appear to be rational or intellectual arguments.
  

Meet the Panel:

Karla Monterroso (she/her) is committed to the work of closing the opportunity gap for Black and Latinx people. Karla spends the majority of her time creating coalitions and tools that support power building for Black and Latinx leadership through a variety of industries.

Karla has spent two decades focused on growing the people and program functions of rapidly scaling social enterprises driving youth advocacy and leadership. Most recently as the CEO of Code2040 she stewarded the shift from Code2040 as a pipeline organization to an organization committed to dismantling the structural barriers to entry, retention, and promotion of Black and Latinx people in tech. While there she grew their community from 25 to 6,000 people.

She is currently a coach, strategist, and advisor for several organizations and people supporting both 1) Their ability to distribute power strategically and contend with bridging the new divide between the social experience and institutional experience of power and 2) The eradication of anti-Blackness in non-Black Latinx people through coaching, culture, and strategy.

Check out these articles featuring Karla’s work on Fast Company and Medium, and connect with Karla on LinkedIn.

Sara Huang 黃詩惠 (she/her) is the founder and lead facilitator at Bureau Tw!st, which designs and supervises group sessions that create space for difficult conversations, verbalizing and owning discomfort, and growth and transformation.

Bureau Tw!st isn’t just for conflict resolution – they believe facilitated cooperative processes are like a lightning rod for innovation, knowledge-sharing, and collective wisdom.

Sara’s work is influenced by Deep Democracy (Process Oriented Psychology & the Lewis Method), the LEGO® SERIOUS PLAY® Method, (making the abstract tangible and concrete), Art of Hosting, Theory U, visual facilitation, and the experience she gains from every engagement she facilitates.

Connect with Sara’s work by buying her a ‘fan tuan’ or coffee, joining Ikebana: the virtual learning retreat for advanced facilitators, or engaging with any of her current offerings here.

In 2002, Carol Bowser (she/her) founded Conflict Management Strategies Inc. Since then she has been helping leaders and organizations become “conflict competent,” work that she loves.

Carol began her mediation career in 1994 through training at the Pierce County Center for Dispute Resolution. Since then she has mediated hundreds of cases, including as a contract mediator for the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission. Carol’s work has a particular emphasis on employment matters and working relationships, as well as training others in mediation skills.

Carol has unearthed some universal themes in her career: 1. People want to be respected and heard. 2. When people feel their success at work is impeded, tensions arise. 3. Knowing how not to inadvertently create tension and conflict on the team is a key leadership competency, and 4. Leaders need to know how to address conflict while building trust and getting the job done.

Check out Carol’s work on the Conflict Management Strategies site, through her conflict tip of the day, and on LinkedIn.